So, I have been chewing on this post for a week and a half and saw this picture posted today on Facebook…. I find these pictures a bit cheesy but I took it as a sign or omen…..or me projecting. Regardless, I was suddenly struck with guilt over procrastinating my writing. (I blame part of it on working on a term paper for a week. I’m sick of the written word.)

And I am excited to share  my list. These are the things I have done for the first time in the past month:

1. Ran a 5K– in 34 minutes I might add!

2. Wept openly without embarrassment in front of strangers.

3. Served communion. …. this one was a biggie for me.

4. Visited a new church alone. I also talked to people, introduced myself and explained why I was there (versus coming in as the service started and hiding in the back….).

5. Counseled a fellow friend biblically and with confidence. (not that I haven’t done this before, but it’s never gone hand in hand….I either leave out Jesus or have no confidence. I know, I know….it’s horrid.)

6. Applied for a Campus Ministry Job. Yes. I APPLIED!!!!! Not, casually mentioned, “Hey man, this is what I would theoretically like to do with my life, you know, if you are willing to let me….” Which has been my behavior for the past two years. I cannot say that I have a chance in Hell at getting the job, BUT I do have a chance in HEAVEN…. (please laugh at my funny)…

7. Prayed aloud with Nathan. Shocker! I mean, I spend A LOT of time in prayer, but my shyness makes praying aloud a no no scary. I’ll pray over food, but if I know it’s serious enough for me to cry out to God I will wait till he is gone or go hide in the closet. (He has come asked me who I was yelling at talking to more than once.) Suddenly, I got over it. I was experiencing a serious anxiety attack and I could feel that my children were overcome by fear as well, and I…. I called it what it was, rebuked and called in Jesus. ….. and sleep came.

8. Deliberately ordered and drank a beer and…..ENJOYED IT! I should probably admit that it was a fruity ale of some stripe, but I was proud of myself. (My sister can drink dark frothy ales like a dude so I’ve got a lot to live up to..)

9. Entered into a Covenant Group. Four women, answering God’s call on our lives, committed to keeping each other accountable and living life together. This is important because, not only did I make these friends ON MY OWN, I know I’m not going to flake on this….

So what is the point of my list? Well, truthfully, the term paper used up all my church language…..but more seriously:  things are changing….. in a big way. I am changing, I have no control over it and strangely….I’m not the slightest bit scared.  There is a song lyric that says, “whatever you’re doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace….” That is the best way I can describe it.

A few months ago, I got baptized. I didn’t make a big deal out it because it was spontaneous…. and technically I was baptized at age seven by my dad…..in a pond.  Apparently, ( I just learned this) repeating baptism is kind of a theological faux pas….  but I had been reading Acts and felt God strongly impressing that I needed to be baptized in the Holy Spirit . The same way the  disciples– men and women experienced Pentecost.  And since I do not attend a charismatic church… I got dunked, again. I was baptized to receive the Holy Spirit and specifically a spirit of boldness empowerment in my calling.

In the weeks that followed….life went on. Business as usual and now…..well, things are different and I am excited. It’s like all those social quirks, painful anxiety and fear of interpersonal interaction has finally taken the back burner. I am overcome by a sense of peace regarding my purpose.

I have some ideas (I have stopped calling them plans because that seems to equate with sending them to their death…) of what this year will hold: things coming the horizon. So, as I prepare for the quickly impending school year, I am eager to see what comes next first.

2 Timothy 1: 6-14  ESV

⁶ For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, ⁷ for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.⁸ Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, ⁹who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, ¹⁰ and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, ¹¹ for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, ¹² which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me. ¹³ Follow the pattern of the sound words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. ¹⁴ By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you.