Yesterday morning, while doing devotions with my children we talked what Maundy Thursday was, about how Jesus humbled himself and washed the feet of Judas; the man who would betray him. We talked about serving, and counting ourselves lower than others. I felt proud that my children seemed to understand why Jesus’ example was so important.
Fast forward to much later in the day and I …. forgot. I found myself frustrated by a situation and reacted in a way I should not have. I talked through the situation with my sweet Nathan, and he looked at me and said, “Look at me. You did nothing wrong.” And friends, if I shared the whole story you would probably agree. I did not publicly share air my frustration and annoyance, instead I quietly commiserated with a peer and moved on. I harbored my annoyance and….judgement in my heart.
The heart is a tricky thing. And I am writing about this now because I shared with my husband out of feeling defensive…. and shame.
What seems like a lifetime ago, reading Martin Luther on the regular, I stumbled across a quote (and this is paraphrased mind you) where he lamented that the closer he got to God, the “more wretched,” he realized he was…
This is where I rest.
The more I try to take a posture of grace, the more I realize how frequently I fail to offer it.
When I was in high school, I brazenly told a righteous adult, “Your judgmental spirit, will send you to Hell as well….”
How frequently those words have come back to haunt me. The Spirit prompts me frequently to notice the said and unsaid judgment made on the world around me. With this comes waves of guilt, and a proneness to allow shame to be my “go to” — the emotion I allow to control and interrupt every facet of my life.
With time, I allow myself to come back to arms of grace. Oh, how grateful I am for grace. The grace of the cross, that radically changes lives and Spirit that moves so violently that I can even be convicted of heart change that is still happening in me. He is still working, moving, and by the GRACE OF GOD, someday, I will find grace and humility will be my natural breath.
It is Good Friday friends. The day that our Lord, suffered the most gruesome of deaths, to save our wretched souls. My soul. Yours. I am contemplating today, how often I trivialize His grace by throwing it back in his face with my sin of thoughtlessness, and am undone in the beautiful reality that this is exactly why He did what he did. His grace, and love covers a multitude of sins…. even mine.
Come to the cross today. Wherever you heart is– whatever burdens or shames you– He covered it, for you.
But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed. ~Is. 53:5