Perhaps I am a ….. word I am trying not to type. My more liberal friends, please forgive me. I am trying to cut back on four-letter (in this case 5) words in both my conversation and my writing. Perhaps I am hormonal….. Perhaps I am stressed…. fatigued…..overworked… and running on empty…..
OR
Perhaps
I am
CARELESS.
Unlike this baby….it was not cute.
Several times this week I have spoken without thinking. Daily dose of foot in mouth.
I told a student without tact “I am done with your stank attitude…” (I could defend this but I won’t.)
I told Corbin to shut up.
I told a really good friend that the final product that had many many many (did I mention hundreds of) hours behind it that… “I don’t like the color.”
And today I yelled at my husband for something my son had done.
And I apologized for some of these things and others…. I didn’t.
And I am feeling like poo. Not because I intended to hurt the individuals I was speaking to. I think I was convinced that my opinion was important needed to be heard — (even when it clearly wasn’t.) Each instance upon the realization of what I said, and more importantly, how it was received, I was sincerely remorseful.
That feeling of…man I screwed up, and how, WHY did I do that….
I am confused and asking myself, Why does it keep happening?
Every morning this week in my quiet time, I have prayerfully asked my Father to forgive me for the blatant failures and help me to do better. Lord, hold my tongue when I am angry. Keep my words from reflecting poorly on you…
And what have I done…. labeled myself as a selfish, merciless hypocrite.
After yesterday, I kept reliving the moment of apology… where I was seriously concerned (still am a little bit) that I would not be forgiven. (I think) I heard God saying:
“Don’t you see how lucky you are that I forgive without question?”
Grace.
Boy am I desperate for it. Both on heaven and earth.
I am going to become that woman that is constantly shoving food in her mouth to keep from speaking….
Or
I can pray for some more grace… some more fruit (Galatians 5:22-23) and perhaps a speech impediment that will keep the words from coming out.
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. – Plato
inthemidstofit 
Unique and catchy writing style along with great content. Thanks for blogging!
As a fellow victim of the fallacy that hyperbole, euphemistic language, and downright dirty talk is a legitimate and often times necessary form of communication, I can say without fail that you are not meant to be perfect, nor are you meant to live your life without falling prey to human indulgence or weakness. I rally around your sense of remorse and desire for reconciliation with both your God and those who have been the victims of your verbal assaults. As we strive to be better humans, we must also remember that each of us is human and can from time to time (or in my case moment to moment) slip back into the temptations of being violent whether it be through hurtful language, lustful or vengeful thoughts, or physical endangerment. We must be willing to forgive one another if we are ever to gain forgiveness ourselves, a small price to pay.
I will continue to keep you in my prayers, and know that God is working through you because I have felt it. Keep it up.